Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
