Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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