I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
