wrigley field is MILF paradise
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
