i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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