My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Shame - the story of my life.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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