The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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