When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
