Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
