Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
