im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
