So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
A bitchslap is in order.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
