Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
