i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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