I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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