How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
