just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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