Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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