He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
