I'm so fucking centered right now
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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