The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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