My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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