I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
