So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
