a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
