Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
