they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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