the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
