Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
