Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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