Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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