That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
