took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
