I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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