Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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