Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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