It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Betty ford says i'm here all night
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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