Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
