: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
