I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
