i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
bring money and cleavage
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
