Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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