He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
