battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
