And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
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yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
