We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
