is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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