Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
