What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
