so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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