Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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