beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
