Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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