the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
