so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize