i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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