you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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