i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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