Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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