i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
