im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
