I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
