one two three fourrrrnication!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize