I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize