I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
