Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
