She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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