I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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