I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
