So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
