I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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