Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
