I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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