I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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