I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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