There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
