thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
