I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
