I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
