I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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