My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Houston, we have a squirter
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
