I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
