I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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