I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
