I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize